Sunday Mornings

I love my husband.

Vomit

So I woke up at 3:30 this morning to a sound that isn't very often heard in our house. The sound of vomit.

Jeremy was in the bathroom, heaving large amounts of something out of his stomach... which is gross. It was a weird feeling, because I don't think he's even thrown up over the course of our marriage. Been sick, yes. Puked, no. I didn't quite know what to do. Do I pet his back? Leave him alone? Get him water (which might just get puked right back up?) Offer him a towel? I found myself doing an awkward combination of all four... and then decided it was best to let him be alone with his stuff. I went back to bed.

He came in after awhile and said he thought it might be food poisoning (which I don't think was a possibility yesterday... he really didn't eat anything except for a pizza at midnight). But then he said (and I find this interesting) that he might be so nervous that he's making himself sick. And that I believe.

This past week it has really finally hit both of us that we are being cut from the team... and we're not sure if we're going to get drafted by anyone else. It's not fun.

We had a long talk on the way home from church about our fears for the next season (the one that is only three weeks away). My biggest fear is not related to money or comfort or a job... it's that Jeremy will be so focused on something else that he'll forget about me. That he'll pursue the Kingdom and leave me on the sidelines. That I won't be his teammate anymore, but just a cheerleader. And I don't want that. He doesn't either. But we know ourselves well enough to know that we can't start falling into that pattern, because Jeremy needs me to respect and honor him, which is hard for me to do when I feel forgotten... which is a huge part of out story and the early parts of our marriage.

I guess that I'm asking for major prayers to keep Jer and I united, loving and respecting each other, and putting each other first. Admittedly, this is hard for me to do sometimes. This is one of the big things I need God's help with, because I can easily become bitter and selfish. This next season is going to stretch us both... I just want us to be stretched together.

I'm nervous about this, and I think he is too. Nervous enough to make us sick.

Three weeks

I'm sitting in Jeremy's office on a Sunday morning. I'm trying to avoid thinking, so I've clipped some coupons, printed off some stuff for the Senior Banquet, filled out a reference form for one of my girls, chatted with a few folks... everything I can think of to do except think.

I don't like the idea of the next three weeks. In the next three weeks I have to get this awful project done at work that I have zero motivation for, write three papers on topics that I don't care about, study for a final that I don't want to take, and say goodbye for real to kids that I don't want to say goodbye to.

And part of it, I think, is that these next three weeks bring us to that point where we will actually, truly have to trust the Father. We have to figure out - for real - what the next season looks like because it will be the next season. And I'm not sure if I'm ready.

I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm excited. But man... three weeks and then it's really that time.

Loose Strings

I realize that there may be some loose strings hanging around from previous posts (specifically regarding a few of the potential opportunities I had mentioned in February/March). Here's where Jeremy and I are at with regarding some of those...

Storm Faith Community
We are not moving forward with this, but it was definitely an essential piece of bringing us to where we are currently at. Jeremy has shared this with David, and David is still excited for us in our next season. And what's even neater is that God is continuing to align the details and pour out blessings during the first steps of Storm's formation... so that is awesome. David also asked Jeremy to help create some discipleship curriculum and the online presence for Storm, so at least Jeremy will have something to keep him a little busy this summer. It is exciting that we may get to potentially partner together in the future and watch our church plants grow in the Kingdom. Fun stuff.

Chapel Hill Church
Sort of as an after thought, Jeremy did submit his name for this position. The church has decided to hire Josh Ask, however (which is probably perfect). What's funny is that Josh is married to Lori... someone we have run into at youth ministry events over the years. Lori is a good friend of a friend, and now she and Josh will get to be friends with Peter and Joy, too! So again, it's been fun to watch the Lord bring all these details together. Josh and Lori will be a GREAT fit at Chapel Hill - I'm excited to hear and see what happens there.

And that's all I've got. Any loose strings I'm missing?

Love Letters

As previously mentioned, I wrote a love letter to my darling students in Fusion. There's a video slide show to go along with it (probably to be posted later), but for now, here's where my heart is at for our kids. We shared this with them on Wednesday night:


To the wonderful people of Fusion…

The last 2 and a 1/2 years with you have been some of the favorite of my life. Thank you for letting Jeremy and me be a part of your story… and thanks for being such a big part of ours. From the very first time I met you (Fall Retreat of 2007) I have not stopped laughing. It took about 2 minutes to fall completely in love with this youth group. You guys have no idea how easy you made it to do that.

It’s easier for me to write you a letter than to try to read this to you (for obvious reasons), but I want you guys to know how very much I love you and how hard it is to leave Faith because you are here. You are the neatest group of students that I have ever had the privilege to know – and I’m not the only one that thinks so. Over and over Jeremy and I have been told by others who have met you that you are truly a special bunch…

I am in awe of how many beautiful people there are in this Senior High ministry. This youth group is filled with teenagers who are desiring and seeking the Lord. It continues to excite and amaze me, and I find myself crying happy tears at getting to be a part of this journey with you, however short a time it has been. You consistently teach me how to follow Jesus through everyday living and loving.

I find myself surrounded by a group of silly, sarcastic, serious teenagers – you have a brand of love which is so similar to my own – getting pranked on retreats, hip-checked in the hallway, having ‘who’s hotter’ conversations while trying to fall asleep on mountains, singing and sleeping on bus rides, playing night games at church, talking about guy-girl relationships and so much more. We have had a silly, God-honoring, God-ordained relationship. I love you guys like I can’t even explain.

As we move on to what’s next, I have to trust that the Lord will take care of you, provide for you, lead you, grow you, and stick someone in your way that will love you like I do. This is the hardest and biggest thing I have ever had to trust God with. And I don’t want to. I don’t want to give up my weekly love relationship with you. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to let you grow up without me… but I am choosing to trust the Creator, the one who made you just the way you are, and have faith that He will continue to do the good work in you that He began so long ago.
Being a part of Fusion has been such a blessing – watching God show up in relationships and the way you love each other. Thank you for letting me love you, too. You guys are, and always will be, my favorites.

‘Cause we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life would suck without you

Love you so much -
Keri

Countdown...

It's been three months of pretending we weren't leaving Faith. We're to the point now that we can't pretend any more and actually have to start thinking about the transition out of Fusion and saying 'goodbye' appropriately to kids that I never want to say goodbye to. Sunday we had a Student Leadership meeting - the first 20 minutes Josh planned our goodbye party with the kids. I spent that 20 minutes pretending that meeting wasn't happening.

One of the things that I wanted to make sure that our students know before we leave is how crazy much I love them. So last night I sat down to write a goodbye love letter to them. That sucked. I couldn't even make it through a paragraph without sobbing or blowing the snot out of my nose...

And what I wrote probably won't even capture half of what I want them to know. In fact, I was crying so much my mind couldn't process things and I ripped half of it from my blog. The important thing is that they know how special they are, and how loved they always will be. Not just to me. Not just to Jeremy. To the Lord. I hope and pray that a little of that sinks in as we countdown our last weeks...

I love it when that happens.

Thursday night we invited Mike Brown and his wife Julie out for dinner. We wanted to share the vision God has given us for our next season, and find out if it's something we can pursue. So of course we spent the first two hours just talking and eating...

When we finally got around to sharing what was on our minds (something we were a bit nervous Mike might say 'no' to) he said, "Well good. God already told me that. I was just waiting for Him to tell you."

Haha. I love it when that happens.