Learning to do it together.

Jeremy and I are doing really well.

But there is one aspect of our marriage that isn't so easy lately and I'm not sure why or how it's become such a hot topic. Well... I guess it's the same issue that lots of marriages break up over (and we are by no means anywhere near that point)... but it's still not fun. It's talking about money and paying the bills.

Here's why this topic is a hard one for us: Jeremy is a full time pastor. A full time church planting pastor. A full time pastor that doesn't get paid for any of the work he's doing (at least not yet). So he's been delivering papers (yuck) to help with the bills. Right now he's transitioning into substitute teaching to help out. He's sacrificing a lot of time and creating a crazy schedule to help out.

But as a wife, and as the one who writes out the checks for our monthly bills and watches the bank balances and all that other stuff... I know that we can't live on my salary alone. And I'm willing to work, don't get me wrong, but I don't/can't bring in enough to give us enough breathing room so that Jeremy can give up the other stuff to concentrate on the church.

And he is tired. And he wants a break. And I feel awful asking him to take sub jobs when they are available because I know if he doesn't, and there aren't any available jobs the next day... we're stuck. I want him to be able to take a day off and not feel guilty. But somehow asking him to use his Saturdays for Sabbath that doesn't reconcile...

I don't like being in this spot. I would like to be a fully funded church plant as much as he would, but that's not where we're at right now and sometimes God has us endure the tough stuff to receive the blessings (thinking of Job, here...)

So we have to learn how to endure this season together so we can come out on the other side together. It's not a me thing. It's not a him thing. It's an 'us' thing, and we need to learn how to talk about it freely and openly. Without guilt and without shame.