A.W. Tozer

So I'm not one to sit and read theological books. I'm more of a British-Chick-Lit fan. But yesterday I picked up a copy of The Counselor by A.W. Tozer and started reading. Only 4 pages in, I knew I was going to love the book.

If any church is to be a church of Christ, the living, organic member of that redeemed Body of which Christ is the Head, then its teachers and its members must strive earnestly and sacrificially with constant prayer...

The Christian Church ought to be useful to the whole community. A Spirit-filled congregation is useful in the neighborhood.

I would like to see a church become so godly, so Spirit-filled that it would have a spiritual influence on all of the churches in the entire area.

God is funny sometimes.

So yesterday I posted about Jeremy providing by substitute teaching... and today God provided a job for him. Yay. I love God's sense of humor though. Case in point: Jer's not a huge fan of working in elementary schools (high schoolers are more his thing). And actually teaching something is a bit of a stretch too.

Text message exchange between us this morning:

Jer: Ugh. Kindergarten + 1st grade literacy intervention groups all day! Momma Beth would be proud.
Jer: Even the Apostle Paul didn't sacrifice this much! :)
Jer: Lesson plans: "supplement any phonemic awareness activities or letter sound recognition that you feel will be helpful." Shake What?!
Me: Hahaha.
Jer: I'm not laughing.


I, personally, think this is hilarious. I love that while church planting is outside of a normal person's comfort zone, stepping into an elementary school room is the way God asks Jer to break himself. Funny, funny.

Learning to do it together.

Jeremy and I are doing really well.

But there is one aspect of our marriage that isn't so easy lately and I'm not sure why or how it's become such a hot topic. Well... I guess it's the same issue that lots of marriages break up over (and we are by no means anywhere near that point)... but it's still not fun. It's talking about money and paying the bills.

Here's why this topic is a hard one for us: Jeremy is a full time pastor. A full time church planting pastor. A full time pastor that doesn't get paid for any of the work he's doing (at least not yet). So he's been delivering papers (yuck) to help with the bills. Right now he's transitioning into substitute teaching to help out. He's sacrificing a lot of time and creating a crazy schedule to help out.

But as a wife, and as the one who writes out the checks for our monthly bills and watches the bank balances and all that other stuff... I know that we can't live on my salary alone. And I'm willing to work, don't get me wrong, but I don't/can't bring in enough to give us enough breathing room so that Jeremy can give up the other stuff to concentrate on the church.

And he is tired. And he wants a break. And I feel awful asking him to take sub jobs when they are available because I know if he doesn't, and there aren't any available jobs the next day... we're stuck. I want him to be able to take a day off and not feel guilty. But somehow asking him to use his Saturdays for Sabbath that doesn't reconcile...

I don't like being in this spot. I would like to be a fully funded church plant as much as he would, but that's not where we're at right now and sometimes God has us endure the tough stuff to receive the blessings (thinking of Job, here...)

So we have to learn how to endure this season together so we can come out on the other side together. It's not a me thing. It's not a him thing. It's an 'us' thing, and we need to learn how to talk about it freely and openly. Without guilt and without shame.

Yep. Keep Walking.

From my brother-in-law after sending an email related to my last post:

I don’t know why I thought of this, but I feel like the Holy Spirit might have given me this picture for you guys. It’s the scene from Braveheart where William Wallace asks Robert the Bruce to unite the clans because it’s the only way they’re going to defeat the English. And eventually, after taking a winding path, he did. He did. And they won their freedom.

I feel like God might be saying that you guys might just be Mound’s Robert the Bruce. If there’s one thing missing in the church, it’s unity. And if you can, in any way, help the church unite with God, itself and the people it’s trying to reach, that’s no small task.

I keep having Joshua 1:9 run through my head for you guys too: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Keep walking towards...

Yesterday was a bit of a weird day. We received news of yet another fully funded, bright and shiny church transplant that could potentially be coming to Mound. River Valley launched in August, this new one is aiming for sometime in 2011.

Jeremy met with the planting pastor and told him about all the great spaces in Mound that would be ideal for them. And then it hit us: with other Jesus-focused attractional churches in this town, is MainStreet really needed? After about 4 minutes of doubt, the answer came back as a resounding 'Yes!' Part of that comes from what our friend Rob shared in our MainStreet Voices video: we don't want to be just another church. We want to be a church that unites all churches. We can already see how that is happening, too.

The vision God gave us wasn't to start another Sunday morning community. It was to be in the marketplace daily. To serve, to love, to care, and to draw people to Jesus everyday. People outside the church walls.

And so it was my husband yesterday, not me, who realized that the cafe' is really the best way to be in intentional relationships and community all week long. And not just for our launch team, not just for our church, but to create relationships by creating space for everyone to honor Him.

Happy Tears

Sunday was a great day.


Jeremy and I were invited to Excelsior Covenant to share the vision of MainStreet and about how we have seen our prayers answered. We played the video that Jeremy put together in July as an introduction. I haven't watched it since then, but seeing it on Sunday and realizing that it's actually in motion gave me happy tears.


And then Jer asked me to share about the ways God is providing and how we have seen Him show up. So of course I cried more happy tears (actually, I would say tears of amazement and thankfulness and gratefulness). I got to talk about our meeting space, our team, our prayer warriors, our marriage... it was great. We received a lot of affirmation, encouragement and support. It was all a little overwhelming because they have already done SO much to support this vision, and we were finally getting to say thanks for the first time. Oh man.

Sunday night was our first public worship rally. I can't believe how smoothly it went. We had our entire team there, our Fusion kids came to help be greeters (oh the happy tears at getting to see their faces!), we had 100+ show up, but the best part was that God showed up. I felt His presence, His peace, and His provision.



Jeremy had two other local pastors pray for the city, and Dave Abernathy prayed for our marriage. Holy moly. That was wonderful. Nick Reitenour made some amazing paintings for the evening, my friend Chris donated coffee from Caribou, and I realized that Gene & Laurie Whitbeck are the most gifted greeters I have ever met.


We are blessed. So glad that God asked us to go beyond ourselves and follow Him. So thankful He calls us out of our comfort zones so we can know He provides abundantly more than we could ever know or imagine. He gives me happy tears.

A few of my favorite things...

-the smell of hairspray
-KitKat bars
-Jeremy coming out of sedation
-fresh baked cookies
-a clean toilet
-catching up with old friends
-funny dreams
-paid bills
-getting out of class early

And Yet..

It's been one of those months. God has been so good - to both Jer and I and to the church plant. Amazing things are happening, doors are opening, we are moving forward, relationships are filled with grace and excitement. And yet... I still have at least one day a week where tears flow because I miss my kids.

Fusion started up two weeks ago, so that Wednesday was hard. I'm taking a Master's class at night so I can keep my mind occupied, but it doesn't help much because I still know it's Wednesday. Last week small groups kicked off. That's the hardest for me. My girls are seniors this year. This is the beginning of the end for them, and I don't get to cheer them on from the sidelines. I get to cheer them on from far away through the radio replay... it's not the same.

My good friend Emily made me some fun CDs in June. I listened to them this weekend (literally all weekend) and those made me cry too. There's a song on one of them - a completely ghetto song that shouldn't make me cry - but I happened to use it in a slideshow our last Wednesday at Faith, so of course it makes me cry.

Stuff is good. MainStreet is good. I know the kids are good. And yet... this still sucks.

Name tags, please.

Last night was the first official gathering for MainStreet Covenant, and it was great. Only a few awkward moments while some people were stretched well beyond their social comfort zones, but it was a very good night.

We had a crazy cross section of the people in our lives gather in our backyard for a BBQ. Some of them knew each other, some didn't... and so we used the great ice breaking practice of name tags. For two hours, we talked, ate, and shared what we want to be about as a new church.

At the end of the gathering, we asked for commitments from those who are ready to take the next steps... and we are now the proud parents of a baby launch team for this baby church!

Exciting, exciting!

MainStreet Covenant

Jeremy and I are moving forward with the church plant - the last 6 weeks have been spent refining the vision, sharing the dream, inviting people to join us in prayer, and trying to spread the news. We're having our first 'official' gathering July 18th (feel free to pray for us!)

Jeremy has created a website - take a peek:

www.MainStreetCovenant.org

Returning to Faith

Yesterday was the first time Jeremy and I have been back to Faith since the end of May. It seemed for us like the right amount of time to allow everyone (myself included) enough space to move into this new season. It was also aptly timed by the Berg's to coincide with the All Church Picnic (aka... extended visiting time with food!)

I didn't realize it would be as hard as it was for me. It was wonderful, but it was hard. The whole service I sat and tried not to think about the fact that we were no longer our students' youth pastors, but merely two people who've played a role in their lives and who love them lots. I keep trying to remind myself with the new church there will be another bunch of kids to love, but I tend to dwell on the fact that they will be different kids. Argh.

The new youth coordinator was there (the quasi-replacement of Jeremy). We met her briefly before heading out to the picnic, where I found myself avoiding her, which I'm not proud of (I'm still working on admitting that this season has come... working on it though). So today I sent her an email, sharing my thoughts and what I realized as soon as I met her and what God reaffirmed in the car as we drove home:

"...Since Jeremy and I got the news about his position being cut, I started praying that the Lord would provide someone in our place that would love our students and that they would be well taken care of. This was (and is) the single biggest thing I have ever had to trust God with, and it wasn't/isn't very fun for me. Yesterday I realized that He answered my prayers with you, and as hard as it is for me to let our kids go I know you are the one that I was praying for. Thank you for the relationships that you have started to form, the ones that are yet to come, and for the way that you will show these kids what it means to love Jesus. I am SO glad you are there. I will be praying for you as you leave on the missions trip, getting to know and serve alongside our goofy kids and forming new wonderful friendships. You will have so much fun."

And so here I sit, still shedding tears at this new season, some happy, some sad, some for seemingly no reason. But I am glad we returned to Faith yesterday. And I am glad that God answers prayers. Oh man.

Long Overdue

I went to the library last week to check out some sweet reading material for Memorial Day weekend. That got me thinking about due dates and related things (can I really read four books that fast?) And I realized that my latest blog post is long overdue, so it's time to get to it. The last one (I love my husband) was typed the morning we had to share with Faith what we will be doing next. Today, 'next' is 'now' and that's why this post is long overdue, much like my library book will be if I don't finish reading them.

What an awful, wonderful day May 16th was. Awful because it was our official 'goodbye' and wonderful because we got to celebrate it with so many wonderful people and felt very affirmed from both our season at Faith and what God is calling us to next. We had to share in both services what is before us... I was going to write about that in the last post, but got side tracked during a discussion with Jer on how the first service went and what to tweak for the second service.

So you may be asking... what is next? I realize I haven't actually articulated it in a post yet, so here's the quick and dirty summary: Jeremy and I are pursuing planting a non-traditional church in Mound. Yep. Funny how God works. When I started this blog, we had been invited into the Storm church plant, which we are not pursuing. But through a series of divinely orchestrated events, God brought us to a place where we both feel completely and totally called to plant a church in Mound.

Sunday Mornings

I love my husband.

Vomit

So I woke up at 3:30 this morning to a sound that isn't very often heard in our house. The sound of vomit.

Jeremy was in the bathroom, heaving large amounts of something out of his stomach... which is gross. It was a weird feeling, because I don't think he's even thrown up over the course of our marriage. Been sick, yes. Puked, no. I didn't quite know what to do. Do I pet his back? Leave him alone? Get him water (which might just get puked right back up?) Offer him a towel? I found myself doing an awkward combination of all four... and then decided it was best to let him be alone with his stuff. I went back to bed.

He came in after awhile and said he thought it might be food poisoning (which I don't think was a possibility yesterday... he really didn't eat anything except for a pizza at midnight). But then he said (and I find this interesting) that he might be so nervous that he's making himself sick. And that I believe.

This past week it has really finally hit both of us that we are being cut from the team... and we're not sure if we're going to get drafted by anyone else. It's not fun.

We had a long talk on the way home from church about our fears for the next season (the one that is only three weeks away). My biggest fear is not related to money or comfort or a job... it's that Jeremy will be so focused on something else that he'll forget about me. That he'll pursue the Kingdom and leave me on the sidelines. That I won't be his teammate anymore, but just a cheerleader. And I don't want that. He doesn't either. But we know ourselves well enough to know that we can't start falling into that pattern, because Jeremy needs me to respect and honor him, which is hard for me to do when I feel forgotten... which is a huge part of out story and the early parts of our marriage.

I guess that I'm asking for major prayers to keep Jer and I united, loving and respecting each other, and putting each other first. Admittedly, this is hard for me to do sometimes. This is one of the big things I need God's help with, because I can easily become bitter and selfish. This next season is going to stretch us both... I just want us to be stretched together.

I'm nervous about this, and I think he is too. Nervous enough to make us sick.

Three weeks

I'm sitting in Jeremy's office on a Sunday morning. I'm trying to avoid thinking, so I've clipped some coupons, printed off some stuff for the Senior Banquet, filled out a reference form for one of my girls, chatted with a few folks... everything I can think of to do except think.

I don't like the idea of the next three weeks. In the next three weeks I have to get this awful project done at work that I have zero motivation for, write three papers on topics that I don't care about, study for a final that I don't want to take, and say goodbye for real to kids that I don't want to say goodbye to.

And part of it, I think, is that these next three weeks bring us to that point where we will actually, truly have to trust the Father. We have to figure out - for real - what the next season looks like because it will be the next season. And I'm not sure if I'm ready.

I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm excited. But man... three weeks and then it's really that time.

Loose Strings

I realize that there may be some loose strings hanging around from previous posts (specifically regarding a few of the potential opportunities I had mentioned in February/March). Here's where Jeremy and I are at with regarding some of those...

Storm Faith Community
We are not moving forward with this, but it was definitely an essential piece of bringing us to where we are currently at. Jeremy has shared this with David, and David is still excited for us in our next season. And what's even neater is that God is continuing to align the details and pour out blessings during the first steps of Storm's formation... so that is awesome. David also asked Jeremy to help create some discipleship curriculum and the online presence for Storm, so at least Jeremy will have something to keep him a little busy this summer. It is exciting that we may get to potentially partner together in the future and watch our church plants grow in the Kingdom. Fun stuff.

Chapel Hill Church
Sort of as an after thought, Jeremy did submit his name for this position. The church has decided to hire Josh Ask, however (which is probably perfect). What's funny is that Josh is married to Lori... someone we have run into at youth ministry events over the years. Lori is a good friend of a friend, and now she and Josh will get to be friends with Peter and Joy, too! So again, it's been fun to watch the Lord bring all these details together. Josh and Lori will be a GREAT fit at Chapel Hill - I'm excited to hear and see what happens there.

And that's all I've got. Any loose strings I'm missing?

Love Letters

As previously mentioned, I wrote a love letter to my darling students in Fusion. There's a video slide show to go along with it (probably to be posted later), but for now, here's where my heart is at for our kids. We shared this with them on Wednesday night:


To the wonderful people of Fusion…

The last 2 and a 1/2 years with you have been some of the favorite of my life. Thank you for letting Jeremy and me be a part of your story… and thanks for being such a big part of ours. From the very first time I met you (Fall Retreat of 2007) I have not stopped laughing. It took about 2 minutes to fall completely in love with this youth group. You guys have no idea how easy you made it to do that.

It’s easier for me to write you a letter than to try to read this to you (for obvious reasons), but I want you guys to know how very much I love you and how hard it is to leave Faith because you are here. You are the neatest group of students that I have ever had the privilege to know – and I’m not the only one that thinks so. Over and over Jeremy and I have been told by others who have met you that you are truly a special bunch…

I am in awe of how many beautiful people there are in this Senior High ministry. This youth group is filled with teenagers who are desiring and seeking the Lord. It continues to excite and amaze me, and I find myself crying happy tears at getting to be a part of this journey with you, however short a time it has been. You consistently teach me how to follow Jesus through everyday living and loving.

I find myself surrounded by a group of silly, sarcastic, serious teenagers – you have a brand of love which is so similar to my own – getting pranked on retreats, hip-checked in the hallway, having ‘who’s hotter’ conversations while trying to fall asleep on mountains, singing and sleeping on bus rides, playing night games at church, talking about guy-girl relationships and so much more. We have had a silly, God-honoring, God-ordained relationship. I love you guys like I can’t even explain.

As we move on to what’s next, I have to trust that the Lord will take care of you, provide for you, lead you, grow you, and stick someone in your way that will love you like I do. This is the hardest and biggest thing I have ever had to trust God with. And I don’t want to. I don’t want to give up my weekly love relationship with you. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to let you grow up without me… but I am choosing to trust the Creator, the one who made you just the way you are, and have faith that He will continue to do the good work in you that He began so long ago.
Being a part of Fusion has been such a blessing – watching God show up in relationships and the way you love each other. Thank you for letting me love you, too. You guys are, and always will be, my favorites.

‘Cause we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life would suck without you

Love you so much -
Keri

Countdown...

It's been three months of pretending we weren't leaving Faith. We're to the point now that we can't pretend any more and actually have to start thinking about the transition out of Fusion and saying 'goodbye' appropriately to kids that I never want to say goodbye to. Sunday we had a Student Leadership meeting - the first 20 minutes Josh planned our goodbye party with the kids. I spent that 20 minutes pretending that meeting wasn't happening.

One of the things that I wanted to make sure that our students know before we leave is how crazy much I love them. So last night I sat down to write a goodbye love letter to them. That sucked. I couldn't even make it through a paragraph without sobbing or blowing the snot out of my nose...

And what I wrote probably won't even capture half of what I want them to know. In fact, I was crying so much my mind couldn't process things and I ripped half of it from my blog. The important thing is that they know how special they are, and how loved they always will be. Not just to me. Not just to Jeremy. To the Lord. I hope and pray that a little of that sinks in as we countdown our last weeks...

I love it when that happens.

Thursday night we invited Mike Brown and his wife Julie out for dinner. We wanted to share the vision God has given us for our next season, and find out if it's something we can pursue. So of course we spent the first two hours just talking and eating...

When we finally got around to sharing what was on our minds (something we were a bit nervous Mike might say 'no' to) he said, "Well good. God already told me that. I was just waiting for Him to tell you."

Haha. I love it when that happens.

Oh Man, Oh Man...

"Oh Man, Oh Man..." Those were the words I uttered to Bob Balian when Jeremy and I came out of our Saturday morning 'disposition' meeting. I realize I haven't blogged through the church planting assessment we attended yet - partly because I'm still processing, and partly because it still feels like it was dream.

First off, the entire experience was incredible, if not a little intimidating. Fourteen couples attended the assessment center, and 14 other individuals came to do the 'assessing' - most of them conference representatives or superintendents, as well as a few other people who have planted their own church with the Covenant.

Our first morning was a bit awkward for both Jer and I... we all met in the hotel lobby and had to organize rides to the church where we spent the majority of our time. There were an odd number of cars, and with no one really knowing one another, settling who would ride with who was a bit chaotic. That first morning Jeremy and I squeezed into the back seat of a car with two others... and two more in the front. Six people riding in a small car made it almost feel like we were attending an adult version of youth group.

We had lunch at the church, and then spent 2 hours going through a series of interviews (spiritual disciplines, evangelism habits, prayer requests, church vision, etc.) Lots and lots of stuff to share. After that, we were broken into groups (separate groups for spouses) and placed in classrooms where we had to work through a hypothetical church planting situation. The assessors sat in the room to observe our group interaction, leadership, initiative... and whatever else they wanted to pay attention to. Then it was back for more interviews and a chat with a licenced counselor. Then dinner. Then 3 of the guys had to give 10 minute mini-sermons relating to their passions for their church plant. When the guys were done preaching, their wives had to join them in the front of the room to answer a few questions. Jeremy was the third of those three that first night and I (though admittedly biased) think he did a pretty good job. We ended the day around 8 and headed back to the hotel.

Day two involved an earlier start, more interviews, more group exercises, and a few breakout sessions on personality types and other stuff. It was a heck of a day. And then came day three, where our team had to devise a plan to plant 10 churches in 10 years... easier hypothetically than it sounds. And in the midst of this team exercise, we were getting pulled out for more counseling sessions and more intentional interviews. And then it they let us go.

The assessors met the evening of that third day to pray over what they had seen in each individual (and each couple) that week, and to seek the Lord's heart in our fit for church planting. What an incredible gift, at the end of a few intense days, to know that there were people praying specifically about our future and what the Lord wants to do with us. What a beautiful picture of the church. What a great display of intentional community. And how wonderful, no matter the outcome, to have this experience.

All I can say is Oh Man, Oh Man...

Late Night Walks and God Encounters

Jeremy and I have gotten into the habit of going on late night walks together. Generally, Jeremy likes to go on late night walks anyway so that he can pray and seek the Lord. Lately, though, we have been walking together - talking about the future, where we see God working and discovering our shared passions.

What made me smile yesterday was just how funny God is, and how He encourages us in just the right way at just the right time (especially when we are paying attention). Jer had a rough day, feeling limited and lost inside the church building, and aching to start pursuing the vision we were given last week (sorry - haven't blogged about that yet!) We went on a late night walk to the gym and were talking about the day, our feelings, and the future. Jer mentioned the last time he was struggling with this, God brought a few Revolutionaries into his day (students who we worked with in the grass-roots Revolution movement that we walked away from 2 1/2 years ago). When we got to the gym, there was a kid on the elliptical machine who kept looking at us. I didn't know who he was, but he walked over and starting chatting with Jeremy... about the Revolution.

This kid had been to our house a few times, attended a few Revolution events, and asked Jer what the future looked like. And so Jer got to share what we may be noodling on and invited this kid to potentially join us. What is funny about God is that had we waited just a few months longer to see this vision, many of these 'random' Revolution encounters wouldn't be happening. 2 1/2 years was the perfect amount of time to let us find our stride together, let us see what the Lord might be doing, and to come back to finish the work that was already started.

God is funny. He encourages us in just the right way at just the right time.

Church Bulletins

This may sound dumb, but lately our church bulletins make me cry. It happened again this Sunday. It's not that anything super wonderful, deep or amazing is specifically
mentioned in the bulletin - it's just the typical order of service, financial update, weekly events, and prayer requests...

It's the prayer requests that make me cry.

Last week there was a prayer request for guidance as the church looks for the new student life coordinator. Makes sense. Of course that's a good thing to pray for. But the church is being asked to pray for that because we won't be there any more. It's a quasi 'pray for a new Jeremy' request. And I hate it. It makes me cry. I don't want there to be a new Jeremy because I like the Jeremy the church has now.

And this week in the prayer request updates, there was a request for guidance for Jeremy and I as we finish our ministry at Faith. Another good request. And I appreciate the prayers - I really do. But that one made me cry the most. And that one made me hate the church bulletin. It's just another reminder that I don't get to be a part of Faith once June comes (at least, I don't get to be a part of Faith the way we have been till now). And I don't want to be reminded of it every week when I read the church bulletin.

I was fine. I was doing fine. I was finishing our year strong, not thinking about this stupid transition that we have to go through (and by we, I mean our Fusion students, the Berg's and the church - but mostly the students). And then I read the church bulletin at church on Sunday while surrounded by all the students I love so much, and I was reminded that I don't get to do that every Sunday. I don't get to tell them to be quiet when they're obnoxious during prayers, or laugh at the funny dances they do during worship, or stay after the service to talk about their weeks. I don't get to, and the church bulletin keeps reminding me of that, and thinking about that makes me cry.

Dear child...

We arrived in Nashville last night and received a phone call from home. One of the dear kids that I love SO much decided that he wasn't very lovable and tried to take his own life. And here we are, far from home, and unable to be present during this hard time... all I can do is pray, send a quick text message, and call my co-leaders to step in to the situation and love this family and this dear child during this hard time. He will be alright - he is alive, he is safe, and he is now surrounded by people who are speaking truth to him.

This is a tangible way that God is showing me that once Jer and I have to leave Faith that He will take care of our kids. This is and has been my prayer since we got the news about Jer's job - that the Lord will provide people to love our kids well, and that He will bring people into the ministry to take care of them. In our absence, while we are in Nashville, the body is responding to the need, praying for the hurting, and responding with love and compassion.

But it also makes me ask... where were we before? Were we responding to the need, praying for the hurting and responding with love and compassion before this act of desperation happened? Were we loving this dear child in the way he needed? Did he know, does he know, how infinitely loved and infinitely special he is? Maybe, but maybe not. And as a church, as a body, I think we can do better.

Let's be honest

So Jer and I are here, at the assessment center, trying to figure out what we're being called to next. The whole process is meant to help us discern how we're wired, what skills God has gifted us with, and how we go forward with that. What we have come back to over and over today is that Jeremy and I are opposites and how crazy and wonderful that is for us in ministry.

That truth totally came out at the airport yesterday too... our first flight was delayed, we thought we missed our second flight (but it was just incredibly delayed) and then we actually did miss the third one (Minneapolis to Milwaukee to Chicago to Nashville). We respond to these stresses in completely opposite ways... and yesterday instead of getting frustrated by it, we were able to start laughing about it. We made it here and that's what counts. And whatever comes out of this, Jeremy and I will be united in it. And let's be honest - that's what really counts.

A week and a half later

So things continue to move ahead. Jeremy and I are headed to Nashville to go through the Covenant's church planting assessment process in two short weeks... seems like this came up out of nowhere! He's upstairs trying to capture on paper how God has transformed his life in the last 10 years and communicate his beliefs on the church and pastoral work in preparation for the assessment. I probably won't see him again until later this evening...

After my last post, Jer met with one of the Covenant's church planting leads, just to get his take on Storm, the possibilities, best practices, etc. And somehow that turned into an invitation to go through this assessment process. This is the same thing our dear friends Michelle and Rob Jacobsen went through three years ago - and now they are on the brink of launching Restoration Covenant in the Apple Valley area this fall. Not that we'll get a 'Yes - plant a church' out of this process, but at the very least, we will have more clarity into what God is calling us to. If it's not planting a church, at least we'll know that much.

I am looking forward to getting away and actually talking through all of this with Jeremy. With church, school, work and sleeping, we don't spend too much time talking in-depth about our future.

Moving Towards...

It was in that initial conversation about Storm that Paul Baudhin said something that has stuck with me. He said that when he's not sure if something is from the Lord, the best he can do is to keep 'moving towards' that thing. So an opportunity arises. Should we take it? Maybe, maybe not. But the best thing we can do is to move towards that opportunity until it is clear what He wants to do with it.

That's how I feel about the Storm Faith Community. It's not something that I can say no to, in light of all the mountains the Lord has moved to make me open to it. But I'm also still unsure of what I would be saying yes to. The best I can do in the meantime is to keep moving towards this opportunity until the Lord starts to make things clear.

And he may have done that a bit today. Jer and I had decided on a 'yes' to Storm, but that yes comes with a lot of uncertainty that needs to be made clear. And today, while I'm in Connecticut for work, I received an email from Jeremy. It was about the leadership, the direction that Storm is starting to move towards, and what sort of structure would come around it. And it all made Jeremy uneasy... but in the midst of that uneasiness, a few other conversations opened up about the church planting process. Long story short: I still feel like God is calling us into some sort of church planting future. Just whether that is with this specific Storm opportunity, I don't know.

What I do know is that I would never have come to this point of being open to something like this has Jer and I not chosen to 'move towards' the Storm conversation in the first place.

So I will continue to listen to what He is saying, and looking for where He is leading... and I promise to keep moving towards the opportunities He is providing.

Missional Church

The church that wants to partner with God on His redemptive mission in the world has a very different target: the community. In the past if a church had any resources left over after staffing Sunday School and so on, then it went to the community. In the future the church that "gets it" will staff to and spend its resources on strategies for community transformation.

- Reggie McNeal (The Present Future)

My Life Would Suck Without You

One of our favorite retreat activities is a little something we like to call 'Air Band'. All the cabins have to pick a song and perform a lip synced version of it in front of the rest of the youth group during the Saturday night session. This year the kids went over and above any expectations I could have dreamed of: Cody Harmer performed a 2 minute Michael Jackson tribute that was pretty convincing, and the senior boys did a hilarious remake of Beyonce's Single Ladies video (props to Zach, Paul and Drew!)

However, my favorite was and forever will be the song performed by my small group girls. They locked me out of the cabin on Saturday for rehearsals so I couldn't see anything until the big reveal... and then made me cry during their performance.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, because Jer and I leaving Faith is just as hard for them as it is for us. But thank you, ladies, for reminding me why it is SO easy to love you. I am going to miss you, too. Please enjoy the love song, performed by my girls, that gives me happy tears every time I watch it (I'm the lucky one in the front row at the end of the video).

'Cause we belong together now, yeah

Forever united here somehow, yeah

You got a piece of me

And honestly,

My life would suck without you

Jer took it too...

Here's a list of what Jer came out with on the Spiritual Gifts assessment:

Discernment:

The divine gift to to distinguish truth from fallacy, and to distinguish between activity and teachings originating from God, Satan, or man.

- 1 Corinthians 12:1-12

- Hebrews 5:11-14

- Acts 5:1-5

- 1 John 4:1

Knowledge:

The divine gift to bring truth from revelation in a specific circumstance, as well as the ability to clarify Biblical passages with remarkable insight.

- 1 Corinthians 12:1-12

- Acts 10:28

Pastor:

The divine gift to care for a group of believers and lead them toward a deeper relationship with Christ. A pastor has the gifting of a shepherd who cares for, leads, and loves those he is placed over.

- 1 Peter 5:2-4

- 1 Timothy 3:1-7

- Ephesians 4:11-12

Prophet:

The divine gift to receive and communicate a message from God that encourages, corrects, or instructs the body of believers.

- Romans 12:4-8

- 1 Corinthians 12:1-12

- 1 Corinthians 12:27-31

- Ephesians 4:11-12

- Acts 13:1-5

Teacher:

The divine gift to clearly communicate the truths of the Bible in such a way that listeners understand and are able to apply the Word of God in their lives.

- Romans 12:4-8

- 1 Corinthians 12:27-31

- Ephesians 4:11-12

- Acts 13:1-5

- Hebrews 5:11-14

Spiritual Gifts

So part of the Holy Spirit class was taking a spiritual gifts assessment.

I can honestly say this is another way He is telling me to pay attention and listen to Him, especially with the two crazy options the Lord has laid before us. Here's what I came out with:

Administration:

The divine gift to coordinate and organize particular ministry through plans and procedures to meet the goals of the ministry.

- 1 Corinthians 12:27-31

- Acts 6:3

- Exodus 18:13-27

- 1 Chronicles 26:20

Apostle:

The divine gift to establish and advance new churches or ministries.

- Ephesians 4:11-12

- 1 Corinthians 1:1

- Romans 1:1-6

- Acts 13:1-5

- 1 Thessalonians 2:6-7

Faith:

The divine gift to act on God's promises with certainty and unwavering confidence that His purpose will be fulfilled.

- 1 Corinthians 12:1-12

- Acts 6:8

- Hebrews 11

- 1 Corinthians 12:7-9

Giving:

The diving gift to provide resources willingly, cheerfully and generously for the work of the Lord.

- Romans 12:4-8

- Malachi 3:10-11

- 2 Samuel 24:22-25

- Acts 4:34-37

- 1 Chronicles 29:1-5

- Luke 21:13

Leadership:

The divine gift to give vision, direction and guidance to others in the Body of Christ in such a way they will follow. The gift relates to helping individuals and groups develop and grow.

- Romans 12:4-8

- Titus 1:7-10

- Exodus 18:13-16

Wisdom:

The divine gift of understanding and applying knowledge of Biblical truth in a situation, resulting in edification or encouragement to the Body of Christ.

- 1 Corinthians 12:1-12

- 2 Chronicles 1:7-12

- James 3:13-17

Sunday Morning Classes

Two weeks before we got the news about Jeremy's job, Faith started a new series of Sunday morning adult classes. One of them was on the Holy Spirit. I decided it was time to extend beyond the walls of the youth room and participate in some of the more 'adult' offerings the church was putting into place. And so began an 8-week journey that, I think, was ultimately there to help me realize where God is in all of this... and how he has wired me to process through it.

There were around 25-30 people in the class each week; Dave Cornell lead us through a study and weekly discussions on the Holy Spirit - it was a strange, glorious experience to commit to learning about the Spirit in the midst of seeing Him unfold what was/is to come for the Berg's.

I was probably the youngest person in the class by 15 years, but that didn't really matter. It was a great reminder for me that God is never done working in, with and through someone. He continues to reveal new truths to us each day about who He is and how He loves us. We just need to be paying attention and acknowledge that He can still show up in big ways.

Friday Night Dinners

Last Friday Jer headed down to Fairbault to meet with David Brown about the STORM Faith Community church plant. We were planning to rendezvous in Burnsville at 7 for a dinner date with Mike and Bette Poukey (two of the most wonderful people at Faith) and the new Spiritual Formations pastor and his cute wife, Mike and Erica Lotzer. Running on 'Berg Time' , Jer got out of Fairbault late (big news, to be blogged about later) and headed over to visit with one of our students who had recently undergone brain surgery.

While Jer was busy doing that, I met with one of our other students who is struggling through some other stuff right now... we had a great coffee date, where I got to speak truth to and pray for this adorable student. Then I buzzed off to get gas and buy flowers for the Poukey's while chatting with another leader on the phone to keep her in the loop on prayer requests, etc. And of course, when it was time for dinner, neither Jer nor I had printed out the address or directions, and Jer left Andrew's late so I was sitting in the church parking lot waiting for him at the time we were supposed to be arriving. And I was feeling guilty (I've decided I hate being late for fun things like dinner parties... but don't mind being late for boring things like the dentist).

None of that mattered when we finally found our way, though. Bette and Mike had made yummy homemade pasta for dinner and the six of us got to just sit around the table and chat. As the evening wore on, we moved to the living room for some more conversation, coffee, and gingerbread. There was a fire roaring... with romance crystals providing some funny entertainment, too.

It was almost the perfect night to just 'be'.

I realized while we talked and Erica and Mike shared about how excited they are to start 'putting down roots' after years of moving from place to place... is that I don't get to anymore. I don't get to establish the roots that were just beginning to dig in. It's not like we had made a huge effort in the last two and a half years to create intentional community, but it happened anyway. And now I have to let it go. I'm mourning for the possibility of what could have been and what was just starting to become... no more impromptu dinner invitations in the hallway, no more visits to chat with our kids just because.

Someone else gets to do that, and it's not me. And I hate that.

A Big Bowl of Blessings

This past weekend we went on our annual Winter Retreat with the Senior Highers from Faith. This is typically one of the highlights of my year - getting away with a bunch of crazy students, playing stupid games together, bonding over the fact that we're sitting on the bus for WAY too long, staying up late together, threatening each other with pranks that never seem to happen, and watching God show up in relationships and the way we love each other. This weekend was no different than normal - we left for Camp Forest Springs on Friday with 47 students and 3 bus chaperones... 3. And Jer wasn't one of them since he 'had' to set up the sound equipment with a few other faithful leaders.
The theme for the weekend was Sacred Doors - a study on Spiritual Disciplines (talk about biting off a lot). Scott Groff joined us again as our speaker for the weekend - he was the perfect guide for leading us into a deeper journey with the Lord. We practiced some things that don't come naturally to many teenagers (and me!) like silence, spiritual breathing, confession, etc. It was a stretching, challenging weekend. I had promised Jer before we left that I was going to use the weekend to listen to what God was saying and asked him to do the same... especially since we would be going through the lessons with our kids.
So... what did God do? He kept pouring peace over me. I can't explain it - I am not wired to take a transition like the one we are going through easily. And yet - I've had this crazy sense of peace, and I continue to have this crazy sense of peace that God will provide, and we will be taken care of.

I have this neat relationship with Scott Groff, having worked under him with the students at Open Door. I saw my girls there grow under his passion for Jesus and gentle spirit that called them into a more real relationship with the Lord. I was lucky enough to help lead a trip with Scott to Mississippi following Hurricane Katrina. And I was at Open Door when the church let him go and during the transition that followed. Scott has (sort of) been in our shoes. He knows the awkward feelings that surround the sometimes hard decisions that churches make. He knows what it's like to transition out of a ministry. Granted, we have it a little easier... but it still stinks. So, when we were preparing to leave the camp and head home, wrangling the kids onto the bus, Scott came over to say goodbye and shared some thoughts with us on the upcoming months. And part of what he said sticks with me... and continues to give me peace. He said, "I don't know if this is from me or from the Lord, but I just see a big bowl of blessings being poured over you two."

It's from the Lord.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-24

Be joyful always; pray continually;

give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil.

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.

Prayer Partners

Jer and I signed up for 'Leadership Boot Camp' - a 3 month journey with some others in the church, lead by the Lead Pastor. Along with the classes, there are some outside assignments that we need to do, including writing our testimonies, reading some books, and meeting with a prayer partner twice a week. All this is on top of the current busyness I am already experiencing - work, school, youth group, homework, housework, sleep... so it wasn't a small thing to take on.

I saw the roster for the class and felt like I was supposed to ask Jane Palmer to be my prayer partner. She is the mom of one of our senior boys, and she also leads a ministry for single mothers called 'MOMS'. We have had a few conversations in our 2 1/2 years at Faith, and she has always struck me as a very humble, intentional, caring person. What more could you ask for in a prayer partner?

Jane and I meet twice weekly - once on the phone (typically on my drive home from my Monday night class) and then once in person. We talk about our challenges, what we are struggling with, where we are seeing God moving, and just learning to love others well. Jane and I have both been so blessed by this relationship - the Lord often using one of us to speak to or affirm the other.

Last Sunday, Jer and I went to the Palmer's for brunch after church. We ate with the family and then spent time sharing funny stories of dating, growing up and personal habits. I'm sure we could have done that forever, but His love really shines through when we are intentional in inviting Him into the conversation. As Jane and I were preparing to pray, I was sharing with her the two options that God seems to have opened up for us: STORM and Chapel Hill. I held out my hands and said 'God has these two things, these two great things, and we are trying to see which one the Lord is leading us to.' And that is when Jane stopped me and said 'Keri, I see you holding out these two hands... and I want you to know that the Lord will bless whichever one you choose. Sometimes we try so hard to figure out which one is THE one, when both options have been provided by Him.' So as we continue to seek the Lord's will for our next season, I'm realizing that He will, and is, taking care of us, and that we don't have to do anything extra, anything special, anything outside the ordinary, except have faith that He will be faithful.

Amada

When we first started at Faith Covenant, I was in awe of how many beautiful women there were in the Senior High ministry. The church is filled with young women who are desiring and seeking the Lord. It honestly continues to excite and amaze me, and I find myself crying happy tears at getting to be a part of this journey with them, however short a time if has been.

There is a particular group of girls, this years' sophomores, who consistently teach me how to love Jesus through everyday living and loving. I was broken into them on the Fall retreat of 2008 when I was their cabin leader. I had no idea what I was getting into, but found myself housed with a large group of silly, sarcastic, serious teenage females. Over the course of the weekend, they broke me into their brand of love - which is SO similar to my own. Right away they drew me in and accepted me through the Love Language of Sarcasm. It sounds strange, but it is the truth - beyond the verbal language, they spent the weekend hiding the alarm clock, hiding my bed, hip-checking me on the walking paths, and laughing at the new shared experience we were creating. Since that weekend, which was their official 'Welcome to Senior High', we have had a silly, God-honoring, God-ordained relationship. I love these girls like I can't even explain.

And with this budget-lead decision at the church, I have to let go of the last two years I would have had with them. I have to trust that the Lord will take care of them, provide for them, lead them, grow them, and stick someone in their way that will love them like I do. And by far, this is the hardest and biggest thing I have to trust God with. And I don't want to. I don't want to give up my weekly love relationship I have with them. I don't want to leave. I don't want to let these ladies grow up without me... but I am choosing to trust the Creator, the one who made these crazy silly girls just the way they are, and have faith that he will continue to do the good work in them that he began so long ago.

Amada Stapp, one of my sophomores, gave me the best gift I have ever been given three days ago. On the end of our regular Wednesday night programming, she handed me something wrapped in hot pink tissue paper, and written in pen "To Keri: Love, Me. This side is the front." I waited until most of the students had left to open it. Inside was a regular white three-ring binder, the kind you would use for school, with a hand-drawn cover that said "23 Days of Keri". The first page was a letter from Amada, written on the day we told our kids that we were leaving Faith Covenant. I remember how awful that day was for me, and how shocking it must have been for our students, because I clearly remember none of them reacting to the news - like it was so shocking that they weren't quite sure what we were saying was real. Amada had written a letter to me that day, saying that she didn't know how to handle the news and how awful it was - and to process it, she was going to write me a letter each day reflecting on some of the things she has seen and learned in and through me during our time at Faith. What a gift. She used 22 letters of the alphabet and chose a word per day to reflect on. She also found verses for each journal entry. It is seriously the most affirming, most special, most precious gift I have ever received. Thank you Amada.

Chapel Hill Church

Years ago, when Jeremy was in college, his best friend Peter Herzog was the Youth Pastor at Chapel Hill Church in Eagan. Jeremy and a few of his buddies volunteered as leaders for the Junior and Senior High ministries for a couple of seasons.

He has kept in contact, through Peter, with the church over the years. As a young married couple, we used to meet with Peter and his wife Joy, and another older couple from Chapel Hill - Randy and Sandy Thiele, semi-regularly for fellowship. The Theile's have become the adopted parents we see about twice a year, but never have to worry about the long intervals in between those times. When we started at Faith Covenant and would have long Sundays planned, we would call Randy and Sandy to spend the afternoons at their house, napping on the couches because it was comfortable enough to become almost like home to us. We even used their house to watch one of the big Vikings games this year.

Also through Peter, we met Paul McVety and his family. Paul replaced Peter as the Youth Pastor a few years back, and we have run into him regularly at different youth gatherings and sponsored weekends, as well as at Herzog family functions. Paul is wired very much like Jer - he seeks to teach students to intentionally seek the Lord, and doesn't engage in the 'shiny happy program' method of youth ministry. Several times (including this January) Jeremy has commented on how he wished that he could be like Paul and have the freedom to run a Jesus-shaped ministry.

Since God has such a great sense of humor, along with the STORM opportunity, he has also popped open a door at Chapel Hill. Paul McVety has been called to serve as the Senior Pastor at Chapel Hill and needs to (and gets to) find a replacement to lead the Student Ministry. Since Paul has already done the hard work of turning the ministry into a Jesus-centered, discipleship model, and that's the direction he wants for the church, he wants someone with that same focus to step in. And he thought of Jeremy.

Jer got the call when we were up at my folks house a few weekends back. Paul said he couldn't stop thinking that Jeremy would be the perfect person to fill the role. He also said he desired to serve alongside brothers - the exact wording and phrasing that Jer has mentioned he needs in his next season. AND - the staff at the church is pretty small - it would be Paul, Jer, and Peter, who is the Worship Pastor, and an administrative assistant. AND - Randy Thiele is on the Elder Board, who would be 'calling' the next Pastor for this role. God is pretty funny.

STORM

4 years ago Jeremy was working a small Methodist church a few blocks from our house while launching the Revolution. The youth group had a total of 6 kids (Junior and Senior High combined) that went to STORM camp each summer. It was here that Jeremy met David Brown, a fiery Methodist preacher with a passion for the emerging generations.

Fast forward to this year: David sent Jeremy an email about his desire to plant a church in the Twin Cities, and that he wanted Jer to be a part of it. We agreed to meet with David and a few other folks this January to discuss the vision... to be honest, I probably wasn't on board or too excited about the idea, but I could agree to a 'discussion'. My one and only experience with the Methodist church wasn't exactly Kingdom-type living.

Apparently God wanted me to have an open mind, though. Four days before we were supposed to meet to talk about the church plant, Jer was told that his position was being cut. So, here we were, suddenly very 'available' for this ministry, should the idea become a reality.

And God has continued to move other mountains surrounding this church plant. Jeremy said it to David on the phone before a meeting once: "If this is of us, it will fail. But if this if of God, nothing will be able to stop it."

My Life Verse

From Romans Chapter 12:

11Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹²Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

My Prayer

I wrote an email to a few friends a week following the news about Jer's job. These ladies are the ones that I trust will actually pray for us. This is what I wrote:

Some news from the Berg's neck of the woods that I'd like you to pray about:

Jeremy was told on two weeks ago that the church will be phasing out his position due to budget cuts (a direct result of our awesome economy)... good news is he is on staff through May. So - we have three or four months for discovering where the Lord will take us next.

My special prayer request is that Jeremy would discover the PERFECT role that would fit his giftings (a lot to ask, I know...) but the Lord has already started to open a few doors we probably would never have thought about otherwise that seem to be right up his alley. I am struggling with having to leave a church I love, kids I love, and relationships that were just starting to really develop... needless to say, I'll be in a 5 month 'mourning' process even though I don't have to say goodbye to the weekly relationships just yet. So please pray for me - that I'll be able to really trust that He will take care of the details (like who is going to lead my small group next year and love all the crazy students that walk through the door? And love them well?)

And this is how my dear friends responded (along with many 'For sure we will be praying for you's):

- I'm sorry to hear about this, but believe it could be an opportunity for something great

- God always provides and I'm excited to where God takes you guys

- We will be praying for God's guidance and peace in this situation

Those prayers, friends, are working. God is doing something crazy with the Berg's...

Jonah

I have this wonderful group of girlfriends that I meet with sporadically. The intention is that we get together monthly... but that never seems to work out quite like we think it will. We gathered last night for the first time since October (!) and caught up.

We have been walking through the book of Acts together (another way God is funny), but last night we decided (thanks Sara!) to dive into the book of Jonah. What do you typically think of when you think of Jonah? You think of a story of disobedience and a big fish... God told Jonah to go to Nineveh, but Jonah chose to disobey. And Jonah ended up in the belly of a big fish. So Jonah, from inside the belly of the fish, prays to God. This is what struck me in his prayer (Chapter 2):

²"In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me.

From the depths of the grave I called for help,

and you listened to my cry.

⁷ "When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, LORD, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple.

⁸ "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.

⁹ But I, with a song of thanksgiving, I will sacrifice to you.

What I have vowed I will make good.

Salvation comes from the LORD."

At the end of this prayer, the fish vomits Jonah onto dry land. God is funny. In the midst of us having to leave a church and people that we love, I keep seeing His hand in our story. Verses 7 and 9 are the ones that really hit me - here Jonah sat, unable to control his destiny or run away from what the Lord wanted, and yet found comfort in knowing that God will use his life for good things. And here I sit, unable to change the decision of the Church Council, but I keep thinking that maybe God has something bigger in store for us, and I need to - with a song of thanksgiving - sacrifice my place at Faith Covenant and follow his lead. Jonah saw, when he finally got to Nineveh, a hundred and twenty thousand people turned to the Lord.

An Intro

Sometimes I think God has a funny sense of humor. And other times I think that he just knows what we need. Here's the back story that will surround this blog:

My husband Jeremy and I have been married for not quite 5 years. He has been in a 'season of obedience' serving as the Senior High Director at Faith Covenant Church in Burnsville, MN, for the last 3-ish years. We refer to it as a season of obedience because if you were to meet Jeremy, you probably would not walk away thinking 'That man is wired to be a youth pastor'. Don't get me wrong - I think he's fabulous at it. But his personality doesn't fit the crazy-out-spoken,-game-loving-guy-who-wears-loud-clothes stereotype that I typically think of when I think of a youth pastor. Jeremy is an introvert who is most himself when studying the Bible, reading, or talking theology.

Ironically, though, God's sense of humor has had us serving with teenagers for the last 5 years. I'll probably talk about how we ended up doing this (funny, God, funny), but this blog is really going to help me reflect on what the Holy Spirit is doing in our lives right now.

Three weeks ago, Jeremy met with the lead pastor at church. He was told his position is being 'phased-out' due to budget cuts... which sucks. The thing that we are most grateful for with this decision is that he will be on staff through May, so we have a few months to find out what God wants to do with us next. So... God, what are you doing with us?